Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
