return my video game
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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