if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is Oprah even human
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
