My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize