she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
