He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
