It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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