OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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