Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
