I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
