when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
