Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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