Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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