dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
pray to the hookup gods
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize