i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
