You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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