i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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