Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
