Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
