I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
