We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So squirting runs in the family.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
