Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
