Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
