Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize