She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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