is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
