My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
