What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
