I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
