My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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