She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
