He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
