I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
