Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
