so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
