In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
