We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
