we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
we're so committed to being not committed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
