I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
