Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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