we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just tell him i said nine months
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Watching her eat just hurts me
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
