Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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