Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
