It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
