I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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