i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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