Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
