I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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