i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
