Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
