I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
