I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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