if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
