see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
