The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
