isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
