He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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