tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
