If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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