yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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