There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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