I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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