I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
