I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
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The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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