I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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