I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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