You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
