whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
