Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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