I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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