Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
