i would punch a child for taco bell
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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