I just made out with a guy for $7.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
