when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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