God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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